Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus, we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down and wait your turn. You'll just have to be a little patient."

A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal shaman who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the shaman looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. At news conference later, a spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologised profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. 

Shotgun wedding; a case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons ... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backward poet writes inverse.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small mediumat large.

Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

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