Fun is like life insurance. The older you get, the more it costs. - Kin Hubbard.

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

Old ladies can eat more than you think

You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

I finally got my head together-now my body is falling apart.

Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.

By the time you finish paying for a house in the suburbs, it’s no longer in the suburbs.

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